Dating Tips for Creating Relationships
When I started to get good, and could escalate quickly with any girl, I remember those girls I slept with but couldn't keep around.
And it's quite sad.
There are lots of women that has the potential to become a great girlfriend.
But I had my head higher than my ass.
...maybe that's a little rude.
But either way it comes down to TWO distinct problems:
First, I was trying to prove something to myself. I was still a recovering nerd. And I've never fully recovered. But I've stopped trying to recover. And that's what's made me move past this "proving myself" thing.
I've accepted what I am.
Sure, I like video games and comic books.
But...
Do you believe girls have cooler interests?
Is getting drunk, Myspace and shopping is cooler than what I'm into?
It's all have connection.
Self-acceptance is what really matters.
A girl won't accept you if you don't accept yourself first.
Can you imagine a woman wanting to be your girlfriend when you don't like yourself?
She will HATE your company and not want to be around you.
Because you can't really like a woman, if you don't like yourself. And if you do like her, but not yourself, then you look like a total loser. And who do you think wants to date a loser?
Although it sounds easy but self-acceptance is rare. How often do you hear people say, "I don't care what anyone thinks of me!"
In my experience, almost NO ONE accepts themselves completely.
And I'm no exception.
The amount on how you accept yourself is the amount also on how women find you attractive, and people want to be around you.
It can be really hard to accept yourself more. Old beliefs creep in and tell you that you are not enough, that you must be more than you are.
But the degree to which you eliminate these thoughts is the degree to which your game becomes better.
Because being yourself and not doubting yourself is the game. And game doesn't stop after your opener, after making love, after a few dates. It never stops.
Because it is you.
You are not divided from your game.
Your game IS YOU. This game is the degree to which you can demonstrates who you are.
You might be thinking "But I'm insecure, nervous and awkward." I disagree. That's not you.
That is the distorted you.
That is you trying to come out, but your ego, your old mental habits stop you from expressing what you really want to express.
Before I proceed deeper, I want first to go to the second reason why I couldn't keep girls around after sleeping with them.
I wasn't aware of shaping.
Knowing what you want is really just an extension of self-acceptance. And shaping is all about knowing what YOU want. If you don't know what you want, you can't shape.
In fact, what applied to others is self-acceptance. You know what you like, and you encourage girls to be that for you.
As you can see, women are very flexible. They have a lot of things that they can expose to a guy. Men usually tell women to be selfish, mean, and act like they are better than the man.
But it's not really her fault. She's just doing what she's told. Women are always looking to men to get a sense of reality.
So if you approach and treat a woman like a pedestal, she will act accordingly.
If you talked and treat a woman like she's lucky you approached her, she'll feel that way.
Also if you treat her like she should stay in your life and nurture your lifestyle after mating with her, she will do so.
This was tackled deeper in our workshop. I've developed a lot of things to shape a woman to be EXACTLY the kind of woman I want in my life.
Women are different from each other. Like for instance, I may want a girl to be just a partner in bed. I may want another woman to be a sugar mama! I may want another one to be a girlfriend. It all depends on what you want.
I used to remember all the crappy, frustrating relationships I have.
Also I think all the hookups I had as a young pickup artist, and how frustrating it was not see those women again.
But when I began to accept myself and analyze what I wanted, it all came together.
The Attraction Code is all about finding out who you are, accepting and cultivating your character, and then applying that to the girls you want to meet, sleep with, and date.
If you are struggling with self acceptance and letting the real YOU shine through The Attraction Code is a MUST HAVE.
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How to Manage Your Time when Meeting Women
Dating can be your best pal.
...OR your worst adversary.
Most of the time, a man can feel like a slave
to his natural need to procreate.
Then there goes a common quote, "He thinks
with his... You know."
Well it is hard NOT think that way if you are
physically unsatisfied.
But men are also goal oriented.
We are doers, and need to achieve things and
affect the world in a positive way.
One of the biggest challenges I've personally
faced is balancing the two - my urges and
achieving my goals.
When you are single, dating can take a lot of
time. If you don't know what you're doing,
women will suck away at your time.
Before you know it, you are spending hours in
the park, feeding the birds and cuddling...
there's nothing wrong with spending a quality
time with your girlfriend, AS LONG AS YOU
DON'T compromise YOUR GOALS IN LIFE.
Goals take time, and so do women.
In fact, it's their NATURE to take up a man's
time - it's her way of getting you to invest
in her. That way there's less chance of you
leaving if she gets pregnant (this comes from
our caveman days, so to speak).
It is really tricky to manage your time with
women. You see, giving their time to women is
what most guys WANT to give. By nature men are
"givers." They like to please women, protect
them, and give them good feelings.
Men also have a urges that can completely take
over your thoughts.
Both of these things can get of you making the
most of your life, your time.
Now take a minute to ask yourself about this,
"WHAT DO I REALLY WANT TO GIVE TO WOMEN?"
Now I know it wasn't about "money," or
"control over my life," or "lots of my free
time."
It was probably something like "feeling of
safety, good feelings, sexual pleasure,
excitement, relaxation, make her smile or feel
good about herself, etc."
There are two ways that I think why men have
problems with how they use their time with
women.
First, they overcompensate with other stuff -
like spending too much time or money on a
woman because they think that the gifts they
REALLY wanted to give aren't that valuable.
Second, men think that they are "getting"
something valuable when a woman spends her
time with them.
Guys was brainwash by the society to believe
that women are a prize to attain, and that
there's some inherent value in a pretty face.
It's a LIE!
The best thing is to see women for what they
are, nothing more, nothing less. They are
cute, sometimes fun, but ultimately not that
important, AND THEY CAN'T COMPLETE YOUR LIFE!
Now it can be really hard to break out of this
mental prison of feeling inferior to women.
Your mental habits are subtle and hard to
notice because you've been doing them for
years.
Young men are taught that their urges is
crude and silly, and that it is just a favor
that women ALLOWS them to mate with them.
There's a syndrome that I call a "doofus dad"
syndrome. There's another societal factor going
on, . In almost every TV commercial and
sitcom, the "dad" or "boyfriend" or "husband"
is a dopey, incompetent goof, and the
mom/daughter/girlfriend/wife has to use her
superior intelligence to fix the situation.
This will bring to the idea that the time of
the women is more valuable than men because of
the perception that women are "better."
You will feel obligated to give a woman a LOT
OF TIME if your time is not so valuable.
But here's the thing - if you are giving a
woman too much time, you won't be present for
most of that time. You will be distracted,
resentful, you will give her your "half-assed"
attention.
I just realize this after analyzing lots of
dates I went on women.
After that I started to give my FULL ATTENTION
to women even though I'm only giving a smaller
amounts of my time.
Not only did this make our time better, it
created MASSIVE ATTRACTION because I left
women craving more.
Now my women can't get enough of me - in fact,
I don't GIVE THEM "enough."
You see, "enough" would mean, "overexposure"
to me, and women can't be pulled to what they
already have.
The proper way to manage your time is by being
HONEST. And I don't recommend you to play
games with women and pretend to be busy or
whatever.
No need of games, just be real with the girl -
and don't spend more time that you want.
Enjoy whatever free time you have with women
but still with focus on your personal goals.
Be the man on the go.
Now in a short amount of time it requires that
you are able to meet a lot of women, which
I'll have to cover in another newsletter.
It makes me sad to see men waste their lives
chasing and "putting up with" women, and then
they are buried in their coffin ALONE.
Women aren't property that you can keep or
somehow take with you when you die. Think
about that.
You can't "keep" a woman by investing all your
time with her.
One more thing here - if you start being
honest with the amount of time you are willing
give to a woman, you may feel GUILTY.
It either she will make you feel guilty or you
will feel it on your own. That's ok, it just
means that you have a weak focus.
If you are following your true ways, it will
usually from the social norm.
If you are in the mental habit of adopting the
values others try to impose onto you, you will
most likely experience some discomfort,
tension, guilt, even loneliness at first.
That's why I set and develop the Attraction
Code . It's all about self-control, finding
true path, and letting the real 'you' emerge
from within.
And no, we don't try to impose our values or
goals onto you. We think you'll be able to do
that for yourself, given the proper guidance.
Vin
Dating Tips: Attracting a "10
If you are interested in meeting, attracting and keeping a 10, then I think you'll find this letter very interesting.
But first off, let go waaay back...
When I was in high school, there was this girl in my class who was perfect.
She was intelligent, cool, and so beautiful that it was hard to look at her (and yet I couldn't stop my eyes looking)...
She was friendly to everyone and was one of the popular kids in school.
We talked occasionally, and looking back I realize we were flirting (I was too stupid to realize at the time).
I wanted to ask her to senior prom so badly...but I chickened out at the last minute.
It was a few years later that I realized that the girl had a crushed on me all the senior year.
I've talked to a lot of guys and this experience seems pretty common, there was this ONE SPECIAL GIRL who you crushed on from afar, or you missed an opportunity with her, or she broke your heart...
Ah, the unreachable "10," a perfect woman that every men dream but seems hard to attain.
I have a lot to say about the concept of "10's," In deeper sense they are another "breed" of women, but it is on the way they think that makes them so.
Understanding the reality of the extremely beautiful women and understanding your own fascination for a perfect women will help you resolve this conundrum, and might even help you in finding your "perfect girl."
First of all, the concept of a "10" is a myth. There is no such thing as a perfect human being. No woman is more "valuable" just because she looks nicer than other women.
The woman that is perfect for you is the one who can turns you on and have a great chemistry with you. That is the only true "10".
Following this reasoning, the world is full of 10's, given you have the skills to meet a lot of women and create options for yourself.
Treating a woman differently than other women just because she is prettier is a recipe for failure.
Why?
Because almost all men do that.
The girl knows what you are about and she sees you as a shallow guy.
But there definitely are certain women that seem on another "level" of beauty than the rest. These women get treated much differently than other women.
You need to understand on how you will deal with these kinds of women.
Like I said, you shouldn't treat them "differently."
Let me clarify.
You shouldn't treat a woman BETTER than the other women. But there are things that you need to know.
First, she is sick of guys chasing her for her looks alone.
She wants to be appreciated for her personality more than anything else.
Now for your own sake I'm going to give you a heads up.
There are two types of "10's."
Low self-esteem and high self-esteem.
The pretty common is the low self-esteem 10's. Women here have a guilt complex. Because they are used to being wanted for their looks, but they know that they didn't EARN that attention.
In fact, most of their lives are probably coasted, and are in complete dumbasses.
It may sounds not good but I call it like it is.
These type of women will respond to jerk-behavior. Taking away their validation will make them flip out and do anything to get it back.
Anything.
(Aside from that, these women usually suck in bed and are total head cases when you get involved with them.)
Meanwhile, the high self-esteem 10's are women that have had a taste of the elite - early from the start they realized that high levels of society were attainable to them, they exert an effort be intelligent, successful and make the most of their lives.
These women know that they are just a little closer to a great life than everyone else, and so they are motivated to put in the extra effort.
Usually HSE 10's are intellegent, have good attitudes, have a direction in life and have lots of interests beyond being clubbing.
Actually, most of beautiful women I've dated didn't even go to the club. They like to spend their evenings being with their families, reading, or having a nice dinner with friends (or studying if they were in college).
And here's another interesting thing. These women are single for long periods of time while in-between boyfriends. Why?
It is because they have high standards for themselves, and this makes most men either too intimidated to ask them out, or act too needy and pathetic around them, it's rare that they meet another man who is on their level.
But here's the good news. These women are the easiest to attract when you understand The Attraction Code.
The Attraction Code is about being the best man you can be, being a "male 10."
You will notice an interesting thing if you start to apply the Attraction Code.
You'll get odd responses from less attractive women - they will occasionally be rude to you because they know they're not on your level - it's what I call the Auto-Rejection Mechanism. Some women will try to protect themselves from being rejected by you, by rejecting YOU first.
But the most attractive, cool women will respond much differently...you'll be amazed to see the most beautiful women warm right up to you as soon as you approach - whether on the street or in the bar - because they can see that you are on their "level."
She thinks to herself, "finally, a guy who can hang with me; he's confident and treats me like a real person. And he's the only guy who's actually tried to talk to me today, instead of whistling from his car."
The Attraction Code is meant for these kinds of women. Of course you'll also enjoy plenty of "adventures" with all kinds of women, but ultimately this is about having the option of dating the hottest, highest quality women.
There are bunch of 10's out there waiting for you.
Don't spend another year missing something that you could've been enjoying right now.
Vin
Dating Tips: Fixing your Approach with Women
There are men that will not be successful with women. Yes, it's true. A lot of them just won't get it.
It's not about they're not smart enough, appealing or somehow defective... It's actually a subconscious choice, that they have made without knowing.
Are you one of that loser men? Or you want to make sure that you won't belong to that group...
I'm here to tell you how.
What you will hear from me is a thing that probably would be heard in other gurus . Because it's a very subtle but very powerful fix that most of them leave it out of their list.
First let me tell you about Matt. Well, he's a good guy and likes to socialize. He has taken a bootcamp with another pickup company. But sad to say he still doesn't get the success his looking for; in fact he's not successful at all.
Wondering if I have given him a help?? No. I didn't. An attempt maybe but nothing follows.
There are reasons why I didn't help him. One being he's too set in his ways and is stubborn.
BUT, that's not the real reason. If he was only stubborn I'd have an easy time changing his mind about things. The real reason why I can't help him is the same reason why he isn't successful with women.
As I said Matt's a good guy, but every time I talk with him he's giving a vibe like he wants something from me. In fact a lot of our mutual friends have said the same thing to me about him.
He always give this vibe of having an ulterior motive. He talks to you like a friend, which is good, but obviously you will feel a vibe saying he's trying to take knowledge, power and fun from me.
The same thing happens when he's talking to women. He treats them well and nicely but he always gives off this vibe that on the corner of his mind he is up into an underlying intention.
That why we don't like hanging out with him and neither do women.
We do all have intentions with and it isn't a bad thing. If you express your sensual intentions openly they'll accept it, especially if you have good game techniques. It may even turn them on. IN FACT it will skyrocket your conversion rate if you do it the right way.
But if you hide your intentions you come off as creepy and weird. Women won't trust you or feel safe being alone with you. You could be the best actor in a pretending world but not in the real world... THEY WILL KNOW.
Being creepy is considered a "Death" card in the Tarot deck of your love life. It will destroy any chance of success you might have.
So now you know what might be going wrong. How do you fix it?
To start with, you need to be fun and unattached to the outcome whenever as you can. It could be telling a great story to a group or being a great host to a bunch of your friends. It could also be a compliment (in the right way of course) or a tease that will spike emotions in way that is fun to a woman.
Come out there and start talking to women not only for the the purpose of pickup and sleeping with them, but because women are interesting, wonderful and fun to be with.
The next thing you need is to start being clear about your intentions. This doesn't mean that you tell the woman "The whole purpose of me talking to you is so that I can get into your undies." That will instantly kill your pickup as fast as being creepy.
Just do a little changes in your behavior that will affect how your intentions be brought out and if you're consistent with what you're saying. You will see your GAME going well.
And there are so many small fixes that I could write a novel on them.
But I don't think you would want to read a novel about fixing your creepy vibe and then taking the months to implement it that it will require... Right? Don't worry I won't. I wouldn't want to spend the months writing that novel either.
A Relationship or A One-Night Stand
I have been quite an expert on fast pick-ups . But there's one problem that I want to share with you.
You see, even though guys that can pull these off enjoy not only success with women straight out of a fantasy world and typically get women obsessed with them, with a fast pick-up comes a big problem...
SOMETIMES FAST PICK-UPS DON'T BECOME A RELATIONSHIP.
Sometimes a fast pick-up becomes a one night stand instead of converting it into a relationship.
Well, its fine for those that has that intention.
But a lot of times, you DO want to see the woman again - or possibly start a relationship with her.
Here's something I want you to know - In the past 2 years EVERY girl I have slept with has been under 4 hours.
And EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. wanted to see me again...
So why am I saying this?
I'm saying this NOT to brag. But I'm saying this so that you can realize the great amount of value I can offer you as a client of mine, and to prove a very important thing:
“HOW FAST YOU SLEEP WITH A WOMAN IS “NOT THE BASIS” TO START A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER.”
In fact there are three major points on how to have a continuing intimate relationship with a girl...
And this time I will reveal a few myths about this.
3 MYTHS ABOUT FAST PICK UPS
MYTH #1: "Build a 7+ hours comfort" with the girl before sleeping with her.
As I said, the amount of time you spend with a girl has nothing to do in sleeping with her.
In fact it has almost NOTHING to do with anything you do before you sleep with her. The secret lies in what you do AFTER you sleep with her.
I have got it down to an exact science. A series of actions and behaviors that practically guarantee she will not only see you again, but also be borderline obsessed with you...
Just have a natural behaviors that a person can learn from you in less than five minutes. Nothing fancy, no routines or lines...
Here's the REALITY of this situation.
The reality is some of the hottest and most intelligent women I have dated LOVED the excitement of getting physical really fast.
It's straight out of the movies, and very few guys can pull it off skillfully.
MYTH #2: You need to reassure the woman that you will see her again before sleeping with her.
A lot of guys try this... they imply that the women is "relationship material" or that he definitely wants to see her again.
Man... what a way to kill an intrigue right off the bat...
Guys do this and tend to come on wayyyy to strong. They appear too interested, too needy, to desperate to get a girlfriend.
But at the same time you should NEVER imply that it's a one night stand, or that you're just interested in bed.
This isn't very effective either...
MYTH #3: You have to be great in bed the first time you sleep with her.
Julian, who is a good friend of mine, admitted that he is bad in bed and only lasts for about 3 minutes but converts girls like *CRAZY*.
Point here, he is NOT good in bed (his choice), and STILL gets women so crazy about him, they won't leave him alone.... (it just end up the women sitting there naked, watching him playing Gears of War on his Xbox360)
May be at this point you are thinking...
"THIS IS TOO ADVANCED, I STILL HAVE PROBLEMS PICKING UP AND SLEEPING WITH A WOMAN!"
I know that.
But listen. This is an important information that you're going to need soon.
And let's be honest - when you DO start sleeping with women - wouldn't you rather have the CHOICE to see them again or not?
That's what my point is.
The Attraction Code
http://www.vindicarlo.com The Attraction code video. Vin DiCarlo talks about how he developed his book, The Attraction Code. For more information about the contents of the book and to sign up for a free 45 minute masterclass introduction to the attraction code visit www.AttractionCodeBook.com.