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Storytelling Techniques I: The Importance of Storytelling
Storytelling is the direct means of communication when highlighting important parts of your life to the listener. Not only through context, but through delivery.
Storytelling plays a very important part in getting to know someone and the great thing about telling a story, is that it creates so many other subject matters to talk about and that a story is almost always followed by another story.
It is also a subject that is very important and powerful when it comes to meeting and holding the interest of women. Once it is used correctly, can make your desirability with women sky rocket.
Before I go into the tips and secrets behind successful story telling, I want to clear up a few myths when it comes to the matter of story telling.
Myth one: My stories have to be true and about me.
This is ultimately up for you to decide but as long as you keep the conversation fun, apply the right story telling techniques, and can keep the conversation moving, then your story does not have to be true.
Even if the women knows that your story is unbelievable, if you kept it fun, she will be entertained and most likely run with new topics developed from your stories.
I am not encouraging you to lie though, the most powerful stories are ones that are true and come from a place of emotion.
You can be so over the top with stories where the unbelievable becomes so fun that she gets involved and becomes part of a newly painted reality that you and the girl get to share and more importantly create together. (This becomes a key factor in "Role Playing" and by mastering storytelling, your creativity in "Role Play Conversations" raises but sadly, the subject of role playing will have to be saved for a later issue.)
So the biggest misconception here is not whether the stories have to be true, but is more about whether or not they have to be about the story teller.
One of the main goals of story telling is to communicate to the listener about you. Surprisingly, it is easier to display things about yourself by how you tell a story, not the actual content of it.
Through the power of expressions, energy, and vivid language, you can demonstrate to your listeners such things as, dominance, humor, interests, and over all personality.
In applying the proper techniques of a story, you should know how to repeat what you’ve heard on the news but in such a way that directly makes you more interesting and displays your personality.
Myth Two: As you get better with women you become less dependent on story telling.
Now there is some truth to this myth in the sense that you do not go into interactions with prescripted stories as much as you may starting out. However, it is through the skills that storytelling develops that make you less dependent.
Instead of going into in interaction with a story you have made up or written down and practiced, you are able to share any topics in an interesting matter that makes people listen.
This skill is enhanced by applying the arts of storytelling and is one of the main reasons learning and mastering storytelling is a great way to improve not only your skills with women, but your overall social skills.
Why is storytelling important?
There are many reasons why storytelling is so important and if you are not currently using storytelling in your interaction then consider these following facts:
*Storytelling is a great way to save dying conversations
This is one of the most common problems that I see with many guys. They started with a great interaction and then as it goes on with the conversation it starts to die and develops an awkward silence. So this is a great time to bust out a story from your arsenal and revive the interaction.
Knowing you are armed with a story creates more confidence in your approach in an interaction.
People are afraid to enter interactions because of the fear of running out of things to say. But by developing a great story or two and keeping them in your back pocket for when you need them creates a great since of confidence during the initial approach and can really help limit the anxiety that one gets when approaching a beautiful women. You are guaranteed that the interaction will last at least the length of your story.
*Storytelling develops stronger social skills
This is one of the biggest reasons that I like to make sure everyone masters storytelling. Through storytelling you learn to capture the entire attention of the group. Also you directly convey your personality and it gets you accustomed to doing so. The skills that are developed from strong storytelling directly carry over into your social personality that make all conversation with you more exciting and vivid. The expressiveness you show in stories ties into your future interactions and directly improves your social personality.
*Storytelling is a great way to display dominance
When you are telling a story the right way, all eyes are on you, you are the center of attention, and everyone lingers off your next word. Holding the attention of the group through storytelling puts you in a dominant frame of you being the leader of the interaction and everyone else being the listener, waiting to see where you take the group next.
What you convey through your stories is how you will be remembered.
Unlike most things you say during an interaction, a good story is unforgettable. How many times have you had someone tell you about some crazy story that one of their friends told them? Stories have been passed down for ages; it is an old custom and still exists till this day. The girl should be able to look back on the interaction and be like "Oh yeah, that was the guy who (did whatever interesting activity that relates to you)."
*You can convey things through storytelling that you normally could not say.
There may be some interesting details of your life that said outside the context of a story may come off as bragging. But in a story, these little details are never the subject of the story thus they remain subtle but are powerful when displaying aspects of your identity.
Now that you have an idea of why storytelling is so effective and what you should be aiming for when telling a story we are going to work on creating your very own powerful stories that cannot be ignored. All this will be covered in Part II of this newsletter, but for the mean time there is an exercise I want you to do right now so you can directly apply all the tips and tactics to create an amazing story on the next newsletter.
Exercise 1: Make a list anywhere from seven to ten moments in your life that you feel changed or defined who you are.
If you have a funny story then that is just a humorous time then feel free to include that. But even if the story does not seem major, as long as entertaining, the fact that you can remember it means it has a bigger effect than you realize.
This can be happy, fun, or even sad (not depressing) but we do learn through negative experiences. We will eventually cut these down to just a couple stories in Part II but for now I just want you to get into the habit of taking note of interesting experiences in your life.
Ideas: Vacations, Life/Death Experiences, an unforgettable concert or sporting event, a moment you succeeded, something funny that happened to you or a friend.
I have anticipated that there are people that say they have no interesting stories. This is absolutely not the truth; everyone has something interesting that has shaped who they are. Do not be modest; even if it's a silly story write it down. You can't be afraid to share a story, sometimes it’s just hard to think of and if you really can't remember of a past story, then start paying more attention to your every day life. And if you still can’t think of one then go take a vacation, you will return with hundreds of them.
So many things happen in one day that people haven’t realize that it would be a story. But every past event being told is a story. There is no excuse not to have one.
Exercise Two: Make a lists of at least 5 things that you would like people to know about you.
This is going to tie into personality conveying. Think of the things that you would like any friend or new acquaintance to know about you. These are the things that directly relate to your identity and make you who you are. Do not be surprised if these things are somewhat related in the stories you wrote down in exercise one.
Ideas: Hobbies, Sports you play, instruments you play, your job, your goals, your skills and achievements.
Now save this list, we are going to use it a lot in Part II of this newsletter to create some super powerful stories that you can always rely on. Also I will further go into the skills of storytelling and how to use them to make every story and conversation more interesting.
I am going to do this exercise along with you guys so you will get to see my story end product as well.
See you on the next letter and be ready to take your storytelling skills to the next level.
Storytelling Techniques II: Creating your own Story
Hey guys, this is now the"Part II" of storytelling.
And I know that you are all excited to start using storytelling and understand why it is so powerful we are going to work on constructing your very own epics!
As a recap, In "Part I" we covered why storytelling is important and how it can improve your game dramatically. And there were two things I asked of you...
One was to create a list of 7-10 moments in your life worth sharing, and the other was to write down 5 things about your identity that you want people to know about you.
We are going to start out working with these things.
First lets take out the 7-10 story ideas and cut them down to 5 solid ideas, cross off ones that you think may not seem to interesting to other people or ones that were "you kind of had to be there" stories.
Now that you got 5 solid ideas down we are going to just focus on constructing 3 solid stories so you can go out and start using them immediately. Select which ones do you think have the most emotional connection and which ones do you feel the most interested in sharing with other people and which ones do you think could captivate and relate to your audience.
For these stories, your main target are women, so focus on which ones you think a woman is more interested in hearing. (Any women can become interested in any story if delivered properly, but if you have a good story about you watching dirty videos and eating pizza, it may be better left for the guys)
Also feel free to ask your friends about which story subjects they would be more interested in hearing to help narrow it down to 3 solid concepts.
And of course I have anticipated that there were still some of you out there that were to modest to come up with 10 ideas and only got around three, so I guess that makes your job easier.
As I said I would do this exercise along with you, however, considering all 3 of my stories will take too long so we are just going to use one of my story concepts and build it from the ground up through the techniques I show you.
Now I am going to try to give all the information on storytelling that I know and jot this story down from scratch (This actually happened to me, so I figure this is a prime example)
"So the other day I am at club voodoo with my friends and I am going around making some new friends and having a good time. Well this one guy somehow works his way into my group but then ends up not leaving us alone all night, and he was a really annoying person that you just don't want to talk to. He kept making every interaction in the club awkward and would not leave until he actually gets a hint and goes home."
Okay, pretty annoying story...I know, but we can turn this into something awesome.
First we need to understand the 3 components of a good story.
The first component, is "The Hook Question"
The object of the hook question is to make sure everyone in the group you are telling the story gets involved.
The hook question is the line you deliver to introduce your story and is use to captivate the group.
In using the hook question you have to make sure that the attention of EVERYONE in the group is in you before you start going into the story, if one person is not paying attention and they tune in halfway through your story, they are going to have no idea what is going and potentially pull the entire group away.
Make eye contact and get a response or at least a nod from every member of the group before beginning your story.
There are two different types of hook questions.
An open ended hook question and a yes or no hook question.
I feel open ended hook question are better because it gets your audience more involved with the story you are about to tell, but a yes or no is good also cause it gets you right into the story.
So a possible open ended hook question for my story would be "How do you deal with people who you just want to leave you alone?"
A possible yes or no hook question would be "Have you ever been to club voodoo?"
So let's add this to the story... (Find a hook question for your example stories as well)
I like open ended hook questions more so to start my story in the interaction I would say
Me: "Hey guys...how do you deal with people when you just can't get them to leave you alone?!"
Group: "blah blah"
Me: "Yeah that's interesting so check this out...the other day I am at club voodoo...(rest of story)
Now that you have the hook question down, we are going to rewrite our stories to demonstrate aspects of identity.
The next component is to demonstrate personality.
There are a number of ways of doing this but for now lets go to our list of 5 things that you want to convey in your identity. Try to fit as many into the story as you can.
My 5 things were:
I have a high and fun energy
I have a good sense of humor
I am a musician
I am a very social person
I am interested in video and photography
Now you may try to at least fit 3 of your 5 things into the story, but if its awkward and seems out of place then just get at least 1 or 2 in. You need one though, but the very manner you deliver the story may demonstrate a lot about yourself.
Other ways to demonstrate personality is to act out your characters. Bring them to life in your stories.
Another important aspect to express personality in your stories is by speeding up your voice during moments of excitement and slowing it down during more intense moments to create tension.
You should always know how to build up tension of excitement or else your audience will have a feeling of lack of resolution.
Speeding up, pauses, and slowing your voice down is hard for me to sow you through a newsletter, but when you recite your stories out loud you will gain a natural since of where each belongs and will improve through reactions with your audience.
So now I am going to rewrite my story as it stands to convey my personality...
Me: "Hey guys...how do you deal with people when you just caaaaannt (exaggerated can't to show frustration with the situation and convey more personality) get them to leave you alone?!"
Group: "blah blah"
Me: "Yeah that's interesting so check this out...the other day I am at club voodoo and I walk in with a group of my friends and random people we met on the way (social) and there is a decent amount of people in the club, we are all having a great time (fun) and meeting lots of cool new people (social).
Well this one guy somehow works his into my "group" (putting finger quotes around it) and he just has this vibe. Like he is so out of place, he was walking around with a Harley Davison Motorcycle hat on and like this tainted banana colored polo (Painting this scene gets them laughing and displays humor and some understand of social norms and fashion.)
So my friends and I keep trying to away from him but he just won't back down, he would just follow us everywhere we went, buzzing around like a mosquito..(pause)..with a really bad taste in clothing (humor)...you would think he could get the hint when we were practically jogging away (act out slight jogging motion).
Eventually he finally goes away and we start to have a fun night again.
As you notice, the story starts to build up but it has no resolution, it just kind of an ends.
So to answer this here is the last component.
The last component of story is the punch line. A punch line is often used for humor and ties up the story. Its biggest importance is to let the audience know it's over. It can be one line or much more...
To successfully deliver the punch line to your story, you need to create a dramatic build up by slowing down your words and then once the comic relief or resolution comes, you speed the conversation back up.
The punch line can be a small extension of the story to bring further resolution to the issue. This is where you can get creative and give some lamer stories a much cooler ending.
The actual ending to my story involves the creepy guy going into the bathroom, some guy that was annoyed by him jokingly bumping into him while the creepy was using the urinal, and the creepy guy pissed on the front of his pants, got embarrassed and left.
Now, first off, it was kind of rude on that one guy's part and I don't want to associate myself with friends like that. Also...a guy pissing on himself is an odd thing to share during the initial interaction.
So I am going to do a little story morphing by combining a similar, less gross incident that happened that night.
Nothing wrong with changing up some incidents if it makes things more entertaining...after all...it's a "STORY"
So the updated story with the new punch line now goes:
Me: "Hey guys...how do you deal with people when you just caaaaannt get them to leave you alone?!"
Group: "blah blah"
Me: "Yeah that's interesting so check this out...the other day I am at Club Voodoo and I walk in with a group of my friends and random people we met on the way and there is a decent amount of people in the club, we are all having a great time and meeting lots of cool new people. Well this one guy somehow works his into my "group" and he just has this vibe. Like he is so out of place, he was walking around with a Harley Davison Motorcycle hat on and like this tainted banana colored polo. So my friends and I keep trying to avoid him but he just won't back down, he would just follow us everywhere we went, buzzing around like a mosquito...with a really bad taste in clothing...you would think he could get the hint when we were practically jogging away. Anyway...my friends and I get away from him and are on the top floor and we make a super tall pyramid out of energy drink cans. (Illustrate structure with arms). Then all of a sudden, the creepy guy weasels his way onto the floor and sits down at our table...and like a jackass he tries to add a can to the structure. (Start slowing things down for the punch line) Little did he know...that although the Red Bull on the top of the structure was opened...it was full...so this guy tries to add his can to the top then BAM!...................the whole structure falls right into his lap and the filled soda can pours all over his crotch! It looked like he wet his pants! His face turns beat red and he just runs downstairs and we assume he left the club cause we didn't see him again...I don't know what the big deal is...I thought it was hilarious! (Final punch line, they know the story is over)
Now if you have applied these three steps to your stories, you got some great stuff on your hands.
But wait... there are still a few more sprinkles you are going to add to your story someday.
These things are the secret little tips to a successful storytelling.
The first and most important is creating check in points.
Check in points are mini questions you throw into your story throughout to make sure you have the audiences full attention. It gets them more involved.
Examples are "Is that ever happen to you?" "Don't you hate it when that happens?" "You know what I mean?"
Just make sure they aren't obvious and sounding like you are taking time out for them to go into detail about your check in point question.
Another good way to check in is to compare aspects of your story to the current situation you are in. ex. "Kind of like that over there" "Reminds me of her (point to person)."
You should at least have two check in points near the start and in the middle. If you are doing everything right, your audience will be captivated and waiting for the build up of the punch line so you won't need one near the end.
If you start to see someone looking away, throw one out to regain focus.
An example in a passage of my story would be:
"Like he is so out of place, he was walking around with a Harley Davison Motorcycle hat on and like this tainted banana colored polo. You know when someone is clearly just lost and not sure what he or she is doing....kind of like that guy over there (point to someone similar)."
You don't always need to have a full response with your check in points. A nod is perfectly okay , for it is just for regaining focus of the audience.